Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the well-known five stages of mourning proposed by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. At the time of the book's publishing, medical schools provided minimal training on death and dying, which inspired Kübler-Ross to share her discoveries from her work with terminally ill patients.

Since the book's release, the five phases of mourning have become so well-known that they are now embedded in popular culture. Despite its popularity, some may be shocked to learn that Kübler-Ross did not develop the phases to represent a linear progression of grieving, but rather to characterize the process of the patients she studied. Before her death in 2004, Kübler-Ross stated in her book On mourning and Grieving that the five phases of mourning were not intended to constitute a logical and predictable progression, and she regretted that they had been misread.

In line with Kübler-Ross' own statements on the five stages, there appears to be no evidence that people move through any or all of these stages, or in any specific order. Each individual and their connections are unique, as is their grief experience.

Because mourning the loss of a loved one can be such a traumatic experience, many people want a checklist, a time when the sadness and grief will be over. Unfortunately, there does not appear to be a definitive "end" to the mourning process; much like our own personal growth, we are never truly "done" or complete with grief.

After losing a loved one, we adjust to a "new normal" that allows us to navigate life without them.

Although there are no specific stages, timelines, or endings to sorrow, this does not imply that we will always grieve the same way. We will never forget the individuals we love and lose. Over time, the overwhelming pain of mourning gives way to a kind of bittersweet gratitude: we are still sorry that we have lost our loved one, but we are also glad and grateful for the gift of sharing our life and time with them.

If you are struggling with grief and need support and guidance, a licensed therapist can help. Please call my office today, and let’s set up a time to talk.